Everything is up in the air! I haven’t begun packing or clearing anything out yet. Most of my friends have moved on from where I am living. Of course, I am incredibly excited. Yet, it doesn’t quite feel real plus I admit that I’m terrified.

I can’t wait!

To begin with the positive, I have had moments where I feel a sense of uncontrollable excitement. It’s almost like being a child again, feeling super excited to start something new. Of course, many things excite me as an adult. But travelling just feels different. Just a thought, but perhaps the reason why we were more excited as children was because everything was unfamiliar. Possibly, as adults, we should continue to do things that are unfamiliar to us if we can. Travel is a big one, but doing something small and unfamiliar could also be beneficial. To keep our inner child happy (if they are), or something like that.

For me, the excitement kicks in whenever I look at things to do and accommodations within the areas I will be visiting. This makes sense, considering that the idea of travelling suddenly feels more vivid. This is particularly the case when I am researching areas that I will be seeing very soon, including Croatia, Albania, and Greece! I have become progressively more excited simply because I know in my head that it is getting sooner, even though it has not completely sunk in yet.

Denial

However, the fact that I will be travelling in less than 3 weeks frankly feels fake. It will be a remarkable change. It is something that I have wanted to do since I was about 17, although I always thought that I would never muster the courage to actually go. Although I know where I will be visiting, and I have a rough ‘plan’ (with plenty of flexibility), you cannot really know what to expect until you get there. So, how can something feel real when you aren’t sure what to expect?

Fear

I am also terrified. I have many fears concerning travel, including what if I feel lost when I am far away from home? What if I find out I don’t enjoy travelling? Or what if something bad happens? I am also scared of the unexpected, whilst interestingly, excitement and fear often go hand in hand. It is also said that it is essential to get out of your comfort zone to enable self-growth. It’s beneficial to anticipate these fears, but then there is a fine line between getting overly worried and living in the moment. Therefore, making a decision whilst being aware of fears and doubts is the best way to go.

Societal expectations and guilt

This one might seem peculiar to some, but I sometimes fear that I am ‘drifting’ and that I should be working a good 9-5. Even though I am fortunate and grateful to have the opportunity to travel! Part of it stems from learning and internalising that prioritising grades and then a career is the way to go. If anyone else, whether currently traveling or planning to travel, has felt or feels this way, then please let me know. Surely, I cannot be alone in thinking about this. 

I also feel guilty for feeling this way since travelling is an enormous privilege. I am incredibly fortunate and that, over the next year, I should have a wonderful time. Therefore, I do feel bad about feeling as though I am making the wrong decision. However, it takes time to unlearn what has been internalised, and I am hopeful that once I am travelling, I will realise that it was undoubtedly the right decision to make. 

One thing is that life’s too short to focus on what you feel is expected of you when you know what you want. I plan to rant about my feelings here frequently, but next time, the post should be more exciting because I will have actually left the UK! 

Have any of you experienced a vast range of emotions before choosing to do something that deviates from what you know? Travel is the obvious example, but really, it can be anything. If so, then I would like to hear about what you experienced in the comments.

Finally, thank you for reading this post. If you would like to read more honest posts like this (written when I am actually travelling), if you are interested in ethical issues revolving around travel (including ethical and responsible tourism), or if you want to overcome doubts about travel, then this blog is for you. Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss out on the next post. 

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